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This is the conclusion of my “Front Door Hospitality” series, a start-of-school series focused on being excellent Hosts at our Large Group Meetings, Beginning-of-the-School-Year activities, and other “Front Doors” of your college ministry. I hope you – and your students! – have found it helpful. To see the whole series, click here.
I want to close out this series with one of the most important principles (I think) of good Hospitality. The principle is this: The best college ministry Hospitality is a “messy” one, a Hospitality that responds to real people as individuals and takes each opportunity as a new opportunity to host people well.
Three thoughts on what this means:
beware the machine
It’s easy for Hospitality to get reduced to simple tasks, forming a sort of machine in which guests are “inputted” and “outputted” as efficiently as possible. It’s all the more tempting because many of the actions we do are indeed redundant: handing out programs, greeting at the door, serving snacks, writing nametags. But even these parts of hosting can be done purposefully and hospitably… if we’re willing to treat this ministry as a ministry indeed. “I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God…”
When’s the last time you prayed about how you greet at the door? When’s the last time you pondered – even for 15 minutes – about how passing out programs can be done even better? Are we serious about Hospitality, or are we just running plays?
where people are
It seems to me one of the most common mistakes is forgetting to Host people where they are, not where they “should” be, or where they are “in theory.” Some examples along these lines:
- Why do we stop greeting visitors once our Meeting is underway? Some of the people running late may need the most encouragement or the most information… or may just need a smilin’ face to let them know they’re in the right place – and they’re welcome here. Meet them where they are.
- How sure are we that things are being explained clearly enough – both inside our meeting and before / after – for first-time visitors? Have we audited every single piece to make sure we’re not assuming they know more than they do? Meet them where they are.
- We need to be willing to submit our personality and greeting “style” to whatever the person (and situation) demands. It’s not okay if our greeting style would only be attractive to people like us! Meet them where they are.
- With announcements, teaching points we want to be part of our DNA, next steps, and other things, we have to be willing to be redundant. Yes, they should catch everything the first time. But they won’t. Meet them where they are.
- What else? What are ways in your college ministry where y’all can better meet people where they are?
a high “failure” rate
Part of the messiness of Hospitality in college ministry is the high “failure” rate – especially if we only count as “wins” things like:
- non-awkward interactions
- visitors who come back to our ministry
- sign-ups and other “next steps”
- people who remember our names (or vice versa)
But this is college ministry! So we have to enjoy the awkwardness, take advantage of each conversation, keep pushing students and praying for them, and keep introducing ourselves… our ministry… our Lord.
Neither over-optimism or fatalism in this work of Hospitality are wise. We will not see all the fruit we’d like to, but we must take the opportunities as they come! And they’re all opportunities.
a final note on Hospitality
Before closing out, I just wanted to mention one more thing: Hospitality doesn’t stop when the Meeting starts. While much of what I’ve written in this particular series applies to those fun kinds of interactions before Large Group Meeting, at the Organization Fair booth, or at a special event on campus, that’s just the tip of the iceberg! Everything about everything needs to be about Hosting well!
Finally, being good Hosts means auditing our ministry for ways we could show better Hospitality. Even if you’re not a person who likes looking at those details. Even if you think things are “probably going really well.” Said plainer: If we aren’t paying attention to the details, then we’re not actually very good Hosts.
Hope this has been helpful for you and your students. And I hope it’s an incredible, hospitable school year!
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The Front Door Hospitality series (which probably concludes tomorrow?) includes ponderings on how we show true Hospitality during the Large Group meeting – and other “front doors” to our college ministries. See the whole series here.
Hospitality isn’t only about making students feel welcome and comfortable. It’s about discipling people, too – impacting their lives as we have opportunity. Below are three quick ways to think about doing this:
making the choice… well
Since a good portion (this week, at least) of a college ministry’s visitors are indeed new to the ministry, Recruitment clearly plays a role here. Every encounter those newbies have is a chance for them to be “won” to involvement in our campus ministry.
But though I am certainly a fan of putting our best foot forward, it’s important that we remember that we first and foremost want students to succeed spiritually, whether that happens in our college ministry or not. (Don’t we? Are you sure you really feel that way?)
Since that’s the case (or absolutely should be), we have chances here to “recruit with a shepherd’s heart,” explaining why a student might want to choose our college ministry – in terms that should actually matter, not just terms meant to woo them. By helping them think through this issue, we’re helping them to succeed already – and discipling them in the decision-making process.
That means our whole Hospitality Team needs to work out what we believe about our college ministry, beyond the hype. What are our college ministry’s “pillars”? What do we really offer students? And what false impressions do we need to avoid giving students? What other college ministries might students want to try? How can students get more information about our ministry – and others’ ministries?
I by no means have a problem with “bringing our A-game” and truly recruiting with gusto. But this is also a chance to help students think through one of the most important choices they’ll make in college: where they will involve themselves spiritually.
movement within
Another way we disciple those who come to our Front Door (for the first time or the twentieth time) is to point them to next steps. Part of Hospitality – as we have opportunity – is to let people know about the chances to get (more) involved. And not only that, we should actually be creating a slight tension, urging those who need to take next steps to deepen their involvement.
In other words, part of Hospitality at the Front Door is to make STAYING only at the Front Door a little uncomfortable!
As we get into conversations, one of the outcomes we should be aiming for is movement – movement of students from just the Front Door activities into the small groups, service opportunities, leadership opportunities, and/or other next steps available in our ministry.
the excellent encounter
Finally, the Hospitality Team should recognize that every encounter has the potential of actual impact above and beyond better involvement in our college ministry. We’re encountering people, and God may just want those encounters to turn into excellent moments or even turning points in people’s lives. We never know.
So let us never become a “greeting machine” that – as I’ve mentioned before – simply runs plays and “does the Hospitality thing.”
Spiritual conversations, encouragement opportunities, a good piece of advice, a referral to a great resource, and on and on – any of this can happen from a simple “greeting” experience… IF we’re open to each person as an individual, not just “another student to be greeted.”
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Not only is this the fifth part of the Front Door Hospitality series for students and college ministers (click here to see the whole series), it’s also the weekly Fridea… an example (or two, in this case) of practical ideas for college ministries. Enjoy.
double up
One way to begin building community with new folks – and the old folks you haven’t seen recently – is to “engineer” a second encounter as soon as possible. At large group meeting, then, it means making sure to re-engage somebody you met before the meeting again at the end. As the weeks go by, of course, it means reconnecting with visitors you’d met in the past.
In fact, I’d probably argue that it’s more important to have multiple interactions with a few people (especially the ones that you might have “clicked” with best) than simply to meet as many people as possible.
This strategy increases the likelihood of name recognition for them (especially if you’re wearing a nametag), and the better sorts of connections that lead to true community. But it is indeed a strategy, at least in part; while God Himself may allow you encounter some students a lot more than others (He’s smart like that), you can also be very purposeful about identifying students you’ve met before, reintroducing yourself, and carrying the conversation further.
Of course, this all means we’d better really pay attention when we meet people the first time. But if we’re too cool, too fast-moving, too hyper for that… well then, how much are we really aiming for true Hospitality anyway?
study up
Another way to build community – and practice true Hospitality at our campus ministry’s Front Door – is to work overtime to remember.
Facebook is the #1 tool here. (No, it’s not stalking.) And even simple rehearsal, along with asking fellow “hosts” for help remembering, can go along way.
As we learn names, gain lists, get people in Facebook groups, and so on, we need to take actual steps to remember people’s names, as well as other conversations we’ve had with them. It may just mean thinking through who I’ve met tonight at Large Group, as I head back to the dorm or to the house. Certainly it sometimes means asking a friend, “What’s that guy’s name again?” If you’re a college minister (or small group leader), it may mean taking a group picture… for the simple reason of being able to rehearse names, majors, hometowns, and other important-to-them details through the week.
This isn’t “fake.” Nor is it creepy. It’s not hypocritical, either, as though the only way to be “real” would be to magically remember everything naturally. It’s Hospitality. If we only lean on our own memories and our own gregarious personalities and refuse to put in work here, then what kinds of Hosts are we, really?
Come up with clever memory aids, jot down notes, or do whatever you need to do. But true Hosts will study up.
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This is the fourth part of the “Front Door Hospitality” series, for college ministers AND their students to ponder together how to best host the people who come to our college ministries this year. To see all the posts in the series, click here.
non-awkwardness as a lower priority
After seeing lots of college ministry Large Groups and hundreds of church services in the last few years – and discussing all sorts of efforts to greet, host, and otherwise show hospitality – one conclusion I’ve come to is that we place too high a priority on avoiding awkwardness.
Really.
Yes, I think providing comfort is an important part of our role as Hosts. But too often, we seem to avoid “awkwardness” at all costs – and one cost is often Hospitality itself!
A personal example: As a natural introvert, it is nearly always my natural, internal preference not to be talked to when I visit a ministry. So when people do engage me (which they should), it’s very honestly a little “awkward” for me. It’s a little awkward when they ask good questions, a little awkward when they want to sit with me, a little awkward when they help me find my way or help me get information I need. That’s just because I’m an introvert.
But when I leave those ministries, I don’t remember the slight awkwardness (or don’t care); I remember the friendliness. I remember the hospitality. I’m more likely to return – not less – because they didn’t worry about the “awkwardness hump” and instead showed true Hospitality.
Relationships, shepherding, community-building, spiritual discussions, and other facets of college ministry will always provide some awkwardness. Throw in the fact that many of our Front Door guests are strangers, and we double down on that fact.
But often the fond memories – not the awkwardness – will be what lasts. And that trade-off is certainly worth it!
In other cases, efforts to build community mean getting over the “awkwardness hump” – like nametags, for instance, or breaking into a group to say hello, or asking students to fill out an info card. Sure, that initial interaction may be slightly awkward. But do you think ANY students wouldn’t return to our campus ministries simply because they were encouraged to wear a nametag? (And honestly, I think college ministers find these things far more “awkward” than students do.)
Likewise, how many times do we (college ministers and students) avoid a student we’ve met before because we don’t remember their names? My brothers, this should not be! It’s one of many examples where awkwardness-avoidance actually DESTROYS community! No good!
Yes, being good hosts means comfort for our guests IS a priority to a certain extent. And there are aspects – like a feeling a safety and an avoidance of true “creepiness” – that we absolutely must cultivate. But momentary, insignificant discomfort is simply part of life, part of college, part of being a new visitor anywhere… and it will be part of our college ministries, even at the Front Door.
When we get too focused on our efforts to avoid it, we’re often fighting against the very Hospitality we’re hoping to provide.
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Today is Part 3 of the Front Door Hospitality series, for college ministers and students focused on connections, greeting, or other hospitality! To see all the posts in the series, click here.
On an unrelated noted, I’m flying today to the NC Triangle area! If you wanna pray for my trip, it’d be much appreciated!
not the action, but the outcome
This idea is an important corollary to yesterday‘s first principle:
What the host “does” isn’t the important thing; the OUTCOME of our actions is key.
In the first section yesterday, I wrote about potential goals for the “Connecting Team” (or whatever your campus ministry calls it). To start, I wrote “guests feeling welcomed” in the list. But I could have written simply “greeting guests,” right? Isn’t that a more natural way to say it?
But of course “greeting people” is not our aim! To say our job is to “greet guests” is like saying a quarterback’s job is to “throw passes”; his job, like ours, is focused on reception. His job is to complete passes.
We’re all tempted to assume our college ministry job is simply to “do actions”; in Hospitality, that might mean greeting people, giving information, smiling, talking, handing out a calendar, whatever. “Get out there and greet as many visitors as you can,” we tell our teams… without ever contemplating that there’s a difference between greeting someone and that same someone feeling “greeted.”
If a visitor doesn’t feel welcomed, then I’ve failed – even if, indeed, I “greeted them.” If they don’t remember information, then what good is it that I’ve given them info? If my smiling or questions or other greetings seem insincere… creepy… forced, then have I really hosted them well?
If we treat Hospitality as a set of actions, we’ve already failed to care for real people. If, instead, we see this as a chance to help real people feel something, know something, and/or do something, then we’re truly being hosts. (Look back at yesterday’s list of possible aims, and you’ll see – they’re all about the outcome!)
not only the lonely (or the new)
Our job as Hosts extends to everybody who arrives at our Front Door. The outcomes we’re aiming for may be different for a new person than for a regular, for a Senior vs. a Freshman, for a group of people vs. a student arriving alone.
But we need to show hospitality toward all of them.
Hopefully we’re past showing preferential treatment to the Big Man on Campus or the Student Who Is a Lot Like Me. (If we’re not, read James 2.) But we need to consider that every student who shows up deserves to be encouraged, exhorted, made to feel welcome, or otherwise hosted. This includes the gal who’s already a core part of our ministry. The group of guys who all come together. Even the college ministry staff might need a little hospitality sometimes!
Of course, it’s good and right that our radars are especially attuned to the students who come by themselves and the students who are new to our ministry (or new to campus altogether). But my encouragement today is to make sure there’s an action plan for the rest of ‘em, too. We have a beautiful opportunity to host, and the more we host well, the better!
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If you missed yesterday’s opening chapter, this week is devoted to a series for college ministers AND their students on being good “hosts” at the front door of our ministries. Another series – with some great principles for your student leaders and small group leaders – can be found here. (But if you’re in the Exploring College Ministry with Benson group, you already know about it!)
Two ideas today can really help us get our Front Door Hospitality off on the right foot:
outcome-based hospitality (or is that redundant?)
It’s absolutely necessary that our attempts at Hospitality – via a “Greeting Team,” a core of students encouraged to catalyze connections, or even just our own efforts as college ministers – start with determining what we’re hoping to accomplish.
And really, isn’t that always required to be truly “hospitable”? Doesn’t a good host have to begin – in some sense – with the end in mind? Whether it’s comfort or information or healing or entertainment, any sort of host aims toward very specific targets for their guests. And the host’s success isn’t evaluated on anything but those targets.
So if we’re going to be great at Front Door Hospitality, that will begin in earnest once – and only once – we’ve defined our aims. In some college ministries, that may be a slew of outcomes: guests feeling welcomed, their names being learned, guests putting on a nametag, guests coming into contact with three friendly people, guests learning certain things about the ministry, guests providing contact info, guests being pointed to a next step, and so on.
In other ministries, there may be fewer aims. But either way, the question is: Have you specifically defined the outcomes you’re aiming for with your “Hospitality Team” (whoever that may be)?
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If you haven’t heard, there are some great opportunities for students AND college ministers at this year’s Catalyst Conference! Students can get training AND receive college credit, and I’ve organized a Cohort for College Ministers that’s going to be a blast!
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all hands on deck
The more people you can get involved in “hosting” others, the better.
For one thing, all (or most) core students should have this assignment for the Large Group Meeting. Staff, too, should try to have finished all the last-minute details well before start time – so they can be connecting with people.
But during the course of the evening, others should be “drafted.” Probably most or all of your regulars and volunteers – even the most introverted – will be perfectly great hosts… IF somebody intentionally introduces them to a visitor. So as you have opportunity, it’s perfectly okay – even wise – to “hand them off” by connecting them with one of the regulars (or a group). (And this all increases the number of friendly people the visitor meets!) Obviously, you don’t want to do this in an unnatural or dismissive way, but in a way that connects people and builds community.
Another helpful mandate that some college ministries use is the “5-minute rule” following the meeting. Student leaders (or even all regulars) are “required” to spend the first 5 minutes after the Large Group talking with people they don’t know. (Yes – even if they’re on the Large Group clean-up crew.) The 5-Minute Rule could also be applied when people first arrive at the meeting, too.
Finally, one other way to get more hands on deck is to get core students to come early. If every “regular” saw their start time as 15 minutes before the official start time, your potential for hospitality would increase dramatically, right?
Part three of this series – “Quarterbacks and Not Only the Lonely” – can be found here!
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SMU, the campus I get to minister to the most here at home, starts classes today. I think lots of other campuses around the country will start today, too, and others will start over the next week.
One of the huge skills that comes into play RIGHT NOW is our hospitality toward visitors. And it’s something that I’ve gotten to understand first-hand all over the country …but my learnin’ didn’t come as the “host” (though I’ve played that role in my own college ministries). Most of my learnin’ came as the guest – in hundreds of college ministry large group meetings around the country. I also attended 165 weekend church services during my yearlong trip (and have visited quite a few more since then).
So hospitality toward visitors – especially in a ministry’s “front door” – is something I’ve gotten to think about. A lot.
Since it seems timely for all of us, I wanted to present some thoughts on how our Front Door Hospitality might be done even better. I’m just gnawing on this stuff, just “thinking out loud,” but I invite you to gnaw with me – which could include disagreeing, adding to my thoughts, asking questions, or otherwise collaborating.
This is an area that doesn’t seem widely explored; too often, I suspect, we just hand it off to extroverted and/or popular students and give them little (or no) exhortation and training for doing it well. And once it’s underway, it’s unlikely we audit, tweak, or get feedback to help our greeters do it even better.
Maybe we can explore these things a little bit this week. (And whether this is an area you’re particularly interested in or not, the principles involved will probably fit a lot of places within your campus ministry.)
If you do have students in charge of Hospitality (or “Greeing” or “Connecting” or “Frontlines”), I encourage you to direct them to read this series, too. Hopefully it will encourage them as they participate in one of the most important tasks of your college ministry.
Since this post is already running over 300 words (and your time is probably short this week!), let’s simply start with the statement that is implied by the series itself: The Hospitality your ministry provides at its “front door” is not only extremely important, but its effectiveness can be increased.
Even if you don’t read any of my suggestions this week on increasing that effectiveness, simply believing that statement will help your college ministry. You could probably come up with some great ideas for making Hospitality better, even if you didn’t read anything else from me on the subject. And if you believe that statement, you’ll make it a priority… and you’ll train and test and even strategize on this point.
Like most things in our field, our reaction to Visitors (new and old) isn’t something to just go “do.” Instead, skills come into play, we can (and should) learn to be more effective, and God holds us accountable not simply to doing what we know… but also growing in wisdom about what we don’t.
Click here for Part 2: “Outcome-Based & Hands-on-Deck”
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